Page updated: 07/06/2001 03:20 PM

So I've been sitting here pondering the use of some of the equipment that has been discussed here and on other forums.

Working our way back from the front of the jeep.............

Should your project be started with a Willy's/CJ-5-7-8/Or a YJ or TJ?

The truth of it is that by the time your done modifying, you ain't got no stinking jeep anymore. you have parts off of many other models and manufacturers, So! who cares if it has square headlites or half drs full drs fenders or no fenders at all! or a divers seat! If it gets you to where your going and back, ain't that enough? Haha! hell no! Ya gotta be looking stylish whatever you do for heavens sake. You gotta out drive out shine and out do all your buddies. If you don't, Your toast around the fire pit that evening. Yep! (The need for a strap or need for a winch cable or nylon rope for you rummies that don't know no better) and your the topic of some very sarcastic, but good spiritited conversations around the old burning logs. heh heh! It don't make a damb bit of difference what you were driving just screw up a little and your toast! It's all in good fun of course but sometimes ya got to wonder! Hell I got attcked by some marshmellow swizzling, out of control frieks from the dehesa goon platoon one nite and I didn't even go on the run that day for criminy sakes! Must have been for something I did on one of the last runs.

Who knows, and who cares! The point is, that by the time you have a real off road machine built that will climb tall buildings in a single leap, the only thing left that's jeep is the body and frame. Both completely and totally disfigured from it's original form to compinsate for all those bitchen mod's your so proud of. So, there goes the "jeeps are better than Ford/Chevy's Toys/Zuks arguement". Makes no difference what ya brought, if it kicks everybody elses ass, he either knows more about mod's or he's a better driver than the rest. heh heh!!

Course theres long wheel bases, huge knobby infested tires, giant track bars with hiem joints (for those with them YJ/TJ things anyway) and giant truck trannies with grandmas in then so low they become worthless in most cases along with way over priced adaptors to make them work on those puny engines you should have swapped out, but couldn't due to the commie tree hugging inviromentalists, and of course, those huge aftermarket 3K dollar transfer cases with 4:1 on them. Gigantic bumpers both ends with horrendous hooks and tow bars and reciever hitches that probably belong on a semi. With a spare tire rack big enough to carry 4 jerry cans and of course that giant knobbiefied spare. Nerf bars that will hold air for airing up those knobified double cool tires after a hard run, and of course, hold your precious jeep off those knarly oversized rocks you never would have imagined yourself on when you bought that beauty. On board air, welders with 110 attachments for the blender (for margaritas) and underhood, under body and anywhere they fit lites that any red blooded human born 4x4 expert would be proud to own. on board showers, after market seats so cushy any self respecting wheeler would scoff at them, but wish they were his. A roll cage so dammed bitchen that you could run it at indy. New rear ends from some guy that dug them out of a heep at the local wrecking yard (for 200 bucks) and stitch welded the appropriate brackets and new tubes on. Painted them a bitchen black and added gears so low it's hard to see the teeth on the ring gear when you change the oil in the rear ends. You do change your fluids on a reguler basis don't you people?

Then what! Well, the stinking rear ends are so huge you only have 6" of ground clearance. Hahahahaha! So, you take it back to your beloved shop and have them shave off 3/4" to make you feel like it really makes a difference. I mean with semi dual mean D-70 rear ends, do you really need to worry about 3/4" of clearance? Or is it just that it's what your favorite wheeler in ARCA did so!! Natually those huge oversized tires just got to have room to roam around in those fender wells since you've added revolver shackles so you trim a little here and there until you've trimmed the front fenders into a flattie and then figure out you probably need to take the entire back section of the front fender well out because you installed a shackle reversal and now those knobbers are grinding there way back into the foot wells! BTW, why the hell do guys with shackle reversals trim the front fenders? They revolve rearward after the swap don't they?

Anyways, natually your steering needs to be looked after. I mean after adding all those gigantic huge oversized and (probably not needed) stuff you have to figure the steeing can't handle it. So, you get some new bitchen super powered thicker than stock Power packed steering box that is just like the one you already have except it has new paint and seals installed on it and will probably leak like hell for ever more. Then while your at it you notice these cracks in the original brackets that hold the box on the frame. Which also has some spider cracks. Your tired of having to take all your welding needs to a pro, So, you need to buy a welder to weld up the frame and get some humungous new brackets to re-install and the box you didn't need. While your at it you notice that hey! I prolly need new tie rods for those big nobster type tires, to go along with that new improved box. So you send off for them while your replacing the power steering pump because they forgot to mention to you that you'll prolly need some other stuff to go along with that new bitchen box that was the same as the one you took off and gave to your brother in law hoping he'd get stuck with it some day so you could tell him how much cooler yours is. The one you didn't need in the first place! His works and yours don't but, heh heh! You'll steer that thing with cutting brakes if necessary to prove you made the right move getting that box.

Then UPS shows up with the over sized case hardened frozen beyond anybody's belief with mico chrigentic's or some such thing for hardness. And, you just couldn't live without those heims so that's what you ordered right! course your rig ain't set up for hiems so, you throw them on the bitchen parts counter to impress your friends and order the ovesized reguler rod ends. Of course they don't fit in the yoke. Then you need to go down and get some new bitchen reamer that nobody carries for a hundred bucks and you will only use once in your life time. But, what the hell! Put it on display along with all those tools you don't even know the name of and it will impress your brother in law. The one with the steering box that works!

Anyway you get all this done and realize it was all for not, cuzz ya did an SOA even though your dad told you, if it was meant to be that-a-wayin the first place, it would have been. Back to the dawing board! You get fed up and take the whole kit and caboodle down to your trusted 4x4 shop. Where you get so totally reamed the advent of you ever haveing a baby rectally is out of the question. You have stickers made up to prove you weren't all that bright to take it to that particular shop in the first place, and plaster them all over all your buddies jeeps that have been screwed by the same guy many times. heh heh! isn't that (insert your buddies name) going into (insert another name)'s place. heh heh! What a dilt huh!

So, at this point, are you still under the delusion that you own a jeep? hahaha! Or a Ford/Chevy/CJ/YJ/TJ hibrid? With all the modifications out on the market now it's sort of bewildering as to which one would accomplish the best for your rig isn't it! Of course that doesn't keep us from buying whatever product on a whim does it. Not me at least. hahaha! I think I've build one intellegant jeep and have thown out one whole bevey of mistakes since I've owned Pokey alone. I msuppose it's best to wait until someone you know buys all the items and see how it works befor you invest your hard earned cash in them. Not! I'm way to childish for that notion! Of course as it is with all things once it is out for a while the price goes down dosen't it! Well yeah! But who the hell can wait that long.

You know, I'm always saying that slightly modified jeep with a moderate lift and a couple sizes larger tires along with a good high lift and winch will get you anywhere you want to go. Anywhere any modified rig will go as a matter of fact. You won't look like the Magic Johnson on the court while doing it and you won't get to many takers on a Sunday run to go with you because you'd hold them back. So, you have to pretend to want all those goodies that thunder your back side up and over those rocks like you know what you were doing. I still think it was a hell of a lot more fun doing it the hard way. You had to really know what you were doing to get a farely stock truck over all the obsticles with your stocker. You had a real sence of accomplishment on the way home after tackling what seemed to be the impossible. hahaha! There were times when I only made it 100 yds off pavement and it took me all weekend to get back but, man! It was exciting! Now when I go out with my double too tall locked and loaded Pokey I have to get it in the most disastrous places to get that butt munching feeling I used to get because the road gave way.

The trails are just piles of boulders. It's still a total blast of course. And i guess it's all relative. I now have the ways and means to fix my screw ups but when I would come home with my dads truck mangled all to hell it wasen't such a pretty picture and I had to pay for it all back then. Now when you break it's just called an upgrade opotunity! Do we have out heads screwed on straight?

Well anyway, that's the way I see it. Hope to see some of you out on the trails some time. If so, don't forget to wave ok!!

Yep! It's a nasty habit indeed. A guy could become a real life long jeepoholic iffin he weren't careful.

Bud