Page updated: 10/29/2000 07:40 PM

Notes from a Virgin Off-Roader
(08/23/00)

Written and experienced by:  Jessica Cera
Pictures mostly taken by:  Jessica Cera
Video taken by:  Derrick Josten
Movie clips edited by:  Bud Boren's Bitchin' Bloopers
Most of the movies are located at the bottom of this report.

day1:
it’s hotter than hell out here in el ka-john. and just from the drive from OB I can already tell that my hair is not going to survive this trip.

MOVIE: Trip Summary (Same movie, different formats)

arrival at bud’s home:
finally got to meet the infamous bud! i’ve heard many stories about his garage. and it was bigger & better than I had imagined!

everyone’s arrived:
wow, what an amazing group of beautiful jeeps! i feel very  infinitesimal compared to these big babes (i have a stock YJ)! i'm starting to feel jeep envy…

day 2:
we haven't even left the driveway and bud's jeep breaks down. great, i get to see the jeep guru at work!….well, he's cursing & groaning, and meanwhile jeremy, al, bill & a few others climb all over & under his pokey. <note to self: cursing at jeep = miraculous chant of life> and finally we are ready to roll!

damn, broke a nail trying to scramble onto al's jeep…

apparently we left on time as scheduled, it was at 8:00AM (according to dehesa time). <note to self: adjust watch, about 3 hour difference in EC time zone> .

it’s hotter than hell out here in – uh, WHERE am i?  i thought the furthest east was the 5 freeway - i mean isn't that the end of the earth?

my first time off-roading, yehaw!

arrival at parking area:
as camera woman, i climbed up matt's trailer to take a picture of all the jeeps & clean people around them. i am ready to hit the road!

i couldn't believe the trail we took off the paved road, it didn't even look like we could fit! but low & behold, all ten vehicles got through!

our first bump wasn't too exciting. except that i took off to do my duty of protecting the natural habitat – of preventing forest fires…<note to self: next time pick area without tall spiky weeds>

ok, we’re next over the second set of obstacles… HEY! that was over quick! where’s the huffing & puffing, the back & forth, the spinning & grinding of the wheels? al’s jeep just plowed over it as if they were pebbles! i guess bigger IS better…

damn, broke a nail trying to get al a beer…

<Al's Note: Rick Masters and his wife Cindy were in the middle of a cross-country trek from Pennsylvania!  They were pretty much the reason we put on the show...Rick's Jeep did great and he showed huge kahona's considering he had to drive it back to the other side of the continent!  Ok, that's all I'm adding to this!>

mark's trial was quite an event. it started out with him showing us his lovely axles & muffler. is that technically a roll-over if his passenger side touches the dirt? three guys ended up jumping on his driver side to hold him down & soon, poof, his tire deflates! oh the look on his face…

i was stressing out watching some of these guys reaching the point of nearly rolling over! we ended up wincing a few people…

matt kept breaking down. bud kept falling down. and al kept getting down in the dirt. <note to self:  don’t walk in front of or behind bud> what a group!

at the third hill, bill’s truck just refused to make that last sharp lefty. so we all turned around. now, this seemed equivalent to getting nine 300 lb fat asses turned around in a narrow skinny hallway. when we were finally turned around, we took a different route back. and just like male drivers on the civilian roads, no one would admit to taking the wrong turn. we trekked TOWARDS the setting sun. apparently the day is not complete unless we blind ourselves while taking the longest route back to the paved road. thus getting us home right on time – 3PM, uh, dehesa time!

we were all filthy, although, i did see some finger pointing directly at me. luckily, al was worse than i. he was so dirty i couldn't even see his skin! and did you suddenly grow a mustache under your nose? and of all people, i saw matt o. cleaning himself off with water. not feeling fresh enough for the drive home, eh matt?!

thanks to aileen & vicki, we came home to food!

let me note, al’s idea of hospitality is taking off the top & doors to his YJ so i can experience the real off-road ride. this means, burning me with the hot east sun in the afternoon, scratching me with the dry scraggly trees as they snap back when we pass them, getting razor sharp leaves in my seat & literally in My seat, dirt blowing into every orifice of my body, & freezing my ass in the cold darkness of night. thanks for the experience of a lifetime, al! <note to self: next time, bring gas mask, leaf blower, air conditioning, & portable heater>

day 3:
i’m burned. i’m itching. i’m still blowing out sand from my nose, digging out trenches of dirt from what’s left of my nails, and i’m still crunching on pebble specks between my teeth. i’m ready to do it again!

damn, broke another nail typing this stupid thing….

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